My wife wants my music on her iphone how I sync her phone with my itunes library without her losing all of her contacts

She should not sync her phone to a different iTunes library.  Once solution is to set up Home Sharing, then in iTunes on her computer drag and drop the music from your library to hers. Then she can sync this music from her own iTunes library to her phone.  (She will need to authorize her computer for the Apple ID(s) used to purchase any purchased music in order to sync it to her phone.)  See http://support.apple.com/kb/HT3819, http://support.apple.com/kb/HT4620.

She should not sync her phone to a different iTunes library.  Once solution is to set up Home Sharing, then in iTunes on her computer drag and drop the music from your library to hers. Then she can sync this music from her own iTunes library to her phone.  (She will need to authorize her computer for the Apple ID(s) used to purchase any purchased music in order to sync it to her phone.)  See http://support.apple.com/kb/HT3819, http://support.apple.com/kb/HT4620.

Unless syncing contacts is selected under the Info tab for the iPhone sync preferences with iTunes, contacts are not touch with the iTunes sync process even when transferring iTunes content from another iTunes library.

Unless syncing contacts is selected under the Info tab for the iPhone sync preferences with iTunes, contacts are not touch with the iTunes sync process even when transferring iTunes content from another iTunes library.