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Trying to pair the "remote" app with my iPhone and iMac, when looking in support it says to ensure the iTunes preferrence "Look for iPod touch, iPhone and iPad" is enabled, that choice does not exist in the iTunes (10.6.3) Preferences.
try to tick "Allow iTunes Audio Control from remote speakers"
go to iTunes Preference> Devices > below Device Backup Box
That box is checked, my iPad2 remote works with no problems whatsoever, the iPhone only sees my Apple TV and not my shared iTunes library. I think it stopped working when I installed Mountain Lion but not exactly sure.

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